EVIL GRANDMOTHER

Dear Misty,

I have 2 young children who often spend time with my ex's mother. I'm worried she'll speak ill of me in front of my children. She has a history of doing this to other family member's children. Although she is Grandma, I fear what her evil tongue will do to my kids.... A. in the O.C.

Dear Loving Parent,

The little minds of children are VERY perceptive, they may not understand all the details of how or why... but they know what's going on. It is very important that you are always Honest with your children, they need to know they can come to you with anything and you will tell them the truth. With that kind of relationship they will believe and trust in you, no matter what any other relative says. I'm sure they know why you divorced, so be up front about the current situation let them know how you feel about grandma (DO NOT TRASH HER.) But let them know that she is their grandma and will always be their grandma, and you like that they have fun at grandma's house. However, take an active role, and be excited about what happened at grandmas house so they get comfortable sharing with you. "Really? She took you for Ice cream.. COOL what kind did you get?" And when they share something you don't approve of, or if they quote her as to say something like.... "Grandma said that Uncle Tom is a bigot" its ok to FROWN and show disapproval and say something like "OH... Grandma is so silly" and warn them that sometimes Grandma doesn't understand why things happen and sometimes she gets mad at people for no reason. But no matter what she says even if she is wrong we love her. (Thus discrediting grandma's words in your small children who trust and believe in you) But be careful: The last thing you want is for your children to feel that they have to choose sides. If they know its ok to love you, and to love their grandma, you will never loose your children. XOXO Misty Eyez