Dead Weight

Dear Misty,

I have a friend that said she would do things for a project we were working on and has flaked time and time again. She never seems to get how her blowing off the project is affecting everyone else involuved. Then she comes up with lots of new ideas for things we can do, but does not understand why we get pissed when fails to carry her share of the wieght. It was her idea to join us in the first place! She seems put out when asked to do things that are helping her. How can I explain that she asked to do this and has been a pain in the ass ever since.
Over The Dead Wieght!

Dear Carrying a Heavy Load:

This is a tough one, and therefore should be dealt with carefully. Your friend obviously wants to be involved, hence her inviting herself in and offering the new ideas. Its hard for me to answer not knowing your age range: If your in High School and this is a school project etc, maybe she only wants to be your friend when certain people are not around... and therefore becomes flaky. If your adults, and this is a work or professional situation, maybe she has bitten off more than she can chew. Or she has no real desire to help, but she wants her name on the project, so that she can say she was involved, and receive the praise or respect associated with this project. Especially if this is an important or prestigious project. In either case I understand your frustration, and you need to cut the fat, and get read of the dead weight. The least painful way to get rid of her is to give her less and less responsibility, to the point that she has nothing to do with this project. Eventually she will probably say... wait what about me? To which you will say - "Oh I'm sorry but you have been so busy or distracted lately that I haven't been able to rely on you, so I took care of it, or found someone else to do it." -- That is unless you really need or want her help, in which case you need to pull her off to the side (not in front of the rest of the team) and have a piece of paper (or seven) with a list of all the things she has failed you on. So that she can also visualize your frustrations. Let her know... LOOK I need you and I want you ... and you offered to help... But your "HELPING" is making me pull my hair out. Step Up.. or Step Out! ~XOX Misty Eyez