Am I a Bad Drag Friend?

Dear Misty,

We have a friend that does drag. I am writing on behalf of a few (all straight) friends that are all supportive. He is new at this, and at times it shows. I worry people are thinking badly of him. We are afraid some passing car full of drunken kids will stop and hurt him. We always offer to hang out with him, but he JUST told us he needs to leave our little group to "find his gay wings and fly", his words. Help us to be the best friends we all can be.

Yours Truly,

Don't want to be a drag of a friend.

Dear Drag/Fag Hag,

You do sound like a good friend. It is nice to know that you are loving and supportive. I am however a bit confused, you say all the other friends are straight, and you want him to keep hanging out with you, but what do you guys do? Please tell me you are not taking a new cross dresser (who in your words: and at times it shows) to a straight bar. I am so conflicted I don't know how to answer this -- OK. He is probably going through an identity crisis, and is not sure what to do. He may think that he needs to leave your group for he no longer feels that he fits in or even belongs. So a true friend will encourage him to make friends with "his own kind," but remind him that doesn't mean he has to abandon you. You can go with him and hang out with his new friends. Also remember most amateur or just starting out queens automatically think they are the best. (yes even me on my first time ever in drag for Halloween I thought I should have won the best drag queen costume contest... and looking back at those pics IM HORRIFIED at how I looked, and I didn't deserve to win let alone enter.) In a delicate nature let him know what he needs to work on. Remind him that maybe he doesn't look like a real woman or that he might need help etc. But if you dont know how to help or what he needs help on its useless. Their are only two ways he will get better. First is to practice! practice! practice! (just like a sport) and second, he needs to hang out with some fierce queens. If you look around and your the prettiest of your friends, you stop striving to be even better. In this field we all feed off each other and learn from each other. Have you ever been to a horrible drag show, in some small town, and all the queens are BAD. But then you go to another town and all the drag queens are GOOD. The thing is the bad drag queens don't know they are bad, they are getting the same praise from their friends and loved ones as the good queens, and only by comparison are they bad. To be the best friend you can be is to take him to all the drag shows you can, let him see how the professionals do it. Get him inspired by their makeup and hair etc. XOX Misty Eyez

Good Guy or Bad Guy....

Dear Misty,

I moved to LA and still have some of those "midwest values" in me. I am dating a truly nice guy who is sweet, hard working and we have talked about the big M. My parents and friends like him. I can see myself having kids with this man. There is another guy that is nice in a different way. My family would do a backgroud check just by the looks of him. He should not be trusted with a house plant much less kids, he drinks too much...etc. I am in my 20's and sometimes want to go out with this guy rather than watch dvds with my boyfriend! What do I do? I am not saying I want to sleep with this guy, I am not saying I don't want either! Confused and feed up with Netflix!

Dear wanting her cake and eating it too.

I think that your heart already knows the answer to your de lima. You basically told me in your letter to me what you think is right. However if you need some sausy Drag Queen advice. Here goes: Guy #2 is obviously not Mr Right, but mearly Mr Right Now. If you cannot trust him with a plant let alone children, this is NOT the man you should spend the rest of your life with, grow old with, and /or raise a family with. So, If you are attracted to him... and before you get engaged to Guy #1, you should make sure you have contraceptives in order and then Sew your wild oats with this man. Do it dirty and do it kinky and do it all night long. Get him out of your system and then you will be ready to plan a beautiful future with Mr Right without distractions...."what if's etc...." Now when you start getting tired of Netflix again, get spontaneous with your man, and switch it up. Blind fold him, or get a motel room (yes with your husband/fiance) a change of atmosphere could be all you need to turn your bedroom up a notch. We all have a hidden animal inside of us, you just have to learn how to get him to let his barriers down and let loose. XOXO Misty Eyez

EVIL GRANDMOTHER

Dear Misty,

I have 2 young children who often spend time with my ex's mother. I'm worried she'll speak ill of me in front of my children. She has a history of doing this to other family member's children. Although she is Grandma, I fear what her evil tongue will do to my kids.... A. in the O.C.

Dear Loving Parent,

The little minds of children are VERY perceptive, they may not understand all the details of how or why... but they know what's going on. It is very important that you are always Honest with your children, they need to know they can come to you with anything and you will tell them the truth. With that kind of relationship they will believe and trust in you, no matter what any other relative says. I'm sure they know why you divorced, so be up front about the current situation let them know how you feel about grandma (DO NOT TRASH HER.) But let them know that she is their grandma and will always be their grandma, and you like that they have fun at grandma's house. However, take an active role, and be excited about what happened at grandmas house so they get comfortable sharing with you. "Really? She took you for Ice cream.. COOL what kind did you get?" And when they share something you don't approve of, or if they quote her as to say something like.... "Grandma said that Uncle Tom is a bigot" its ok to FROWN and show disapproval and say something like "OH... Grandma is so silly" and warn them that sometimes Grandma doesn't understand why things happen and sometimes she gets mad at people for no reason. But no matter what she says even if she is wrong we love her. (Thus discrediting grandma's words in your small children who trust and believe in you) But be careful: The last thing you want is for your children to feel that they have to choose sides. If they know its ok to love you, and to love their grandma, you will never loose your children. XOXO Misty Eyez

Dead Weight

Dear Misty,

I have a friend that said she would do things for a project we were working on and has flaked time and time again. She never seems to get how her blowing off the project is affecting everyone else involuved. Then she comes up with lots of new ideas for things we can do, but does not understand why we get pissed when fails to carry her share of the wieght. It was her idea to join us in the first place! She seems put out when asked to do things that are helping her. How can I explain that she asked to do this and has been a pain in the ass ever since.
Over The Dead Wieght!

Dear Carrying a Heavy Load:

This is a tough one, and therefore should be dealt with carefully. Your friend obviously wants to be involved, hence her inviting herself in and offering the new ideas. Its hard for me to answer not knowing your age range: If your in High School and this is a school project etc, maybe she only wants to be your friend when certain people are not around... and therefore becomes flaky. If your adults, and this is a work or professional situation, maybe she has bitten off more than she can chew. Or she has no real desire to help, but she wants her name on the project, so that she can say she was involved, and receive the praise or respect associated with this project. Especially if this is an important or prestigious project. In either case I understand your frustration, and you need to cut the fat, and get read of the dead weight. The least painful way to get rid of her is to give her less and less responsibility, to the point that she has nothing to do with this project. Eventually she will probably say... wait what about me? To which you will say - "Oh I'm sorry but you have been so busy or distracted lately that I haven't been able to rely on you, so I took care of it, or found someone else to do it." -- That is unless you really need or want her help, in which case you need to pull her off to the side (not in front of the rest of the team) and have a piece of paper (or seven) with a list of all the things she has failed you on. So that she can also visualize your frustrations. Let her know... LOOK I need you and I want you ... and you offered to help... But your "HELPING" is making me pull my hair out. Step Up.. or Step Out! ~XOX Misty Eyez

NERVOUS TWITTER

Dear Misty, I have been chatting (ie. phone, texting, through a website, and email) with this guy on and off for about 2 years now and I met online who lives approximately 4 hours away. For the past few months we have been chatting everyday and sharing our attraction to each other. I have continued to casually date other men, but find myself more and more attracted to my online friend rather then the men I meet in person, locally. I asked if he would like to come down and visit me of which he excitely replied yes so we are planning a time for him to come down and stay with me. I have some trepidation about meeting in person and he verablized some nervousness as well which I only assume is natural. I really like him and I am very interested in things working out. How should I interact with him and what should I do for fun once he gets here? ~ Nervously twitterpated! Dear the Nervous Twitter, Nervousness is GOOD! It shows that you have realistic expectations, hope for the best but are afraid for the worst. YES, Online is the way of the future and I personally know several very happy couples that have met online. But the reality is that you have no idea if you will be compatible or even attracted to each other physically. Remember that when we chat online we can be anyone we want, not to mention we can hide our flaws and imperfections. That being said your relationship is currently based on a fantasy... Full of what if's... and could this really be the one. That in and of itself can be quite intoxicating. In the back of your mind remember there may be a very good reason he is single. In the meantime I think its good thing that you're keeping your other options open until this man indeed becomes a reality. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. I definitely think you should meet, you'll never know what could happen until you take a chance. However, just make it is just that... A VISIT. The world is full of freeloaders, and romantic men are their biggest targets. So it might be best if you visit him first or make sure that this guy is not moving when he comes to see you. While he is here have realistic expectations, and Im sure everything will be GREAT. As for fun... do things that are are just that fun, and out of the house. This way you can learn more about him and his likes without turning his visit into a sex fest. If you want this relationship to stand the test of time make sure its not based on sex, and that you are indeed compatible in real life. Especially if this long distance relationship has intentions of becoming something more local. Wishing you the BEST ~ Misty Eyez

MISS MATURE

Dear Misty: I have a friend I have known for years! We used to go out clubbing & drinking a lot (think Sex and the City). Then she met "her dream man" and settled down. Well here we are a few years later & her dream guy became a nightmare. Now when we go out to the clubs she needs to party all night, which I am OK with from time to time, but she parties hard! And when we get together for lunch or shopping she brings her kids everywhere! Not that I dislike her kids but there are times a screaming child in a cafe is just too much! I want to still hang out but 2 kids are not part of that picture. And getting wasted is something I out grew. (Not too long ago) I have told her all this but she just doesn't get it. ~The Mature One

Dear Miss Mature,

Well first you will have to let your friend know that she will need to find a new getting wasted buddy. Be honest and let her know you have out grown this stage of life and its just not fun for you anymore. (This might not be too hard for her to grasp) She may just think the only thing you want to do is go out and get drunk because that is what you used to do. Either that or she is trying to cling to her youth before her kids and man etc. However it appears that have out grown your friend, and like in Sex and the City Times change and so do people. Being it is obvious you cherish your friendship with this gal otherwise it wouldn't bother you so much. So going forward you will need to create more of an adult relationship (which doesn't seem to be a problem for you.) Plan your future outings together either at home or at parks or places that are kid friendly. There is nothing wrong with hanging out with your girlfriend and catch up on all the gossip while the kids are running around Chucky Cheese. This way they will be busy and pre-occupied for a few hours and not in your hair. All the while not embarrassing you at a cafe where you have to keep reminding them to be quiet. That and when you get them home you can have more alone time for they will be tired. Where you can kick back and have a glass of wine. My point is yes you built your friendship on one thing but it is ok to evolve it into something new.

Good Luck with your friend ~Misty Eyez

Virginity

Dear Misty Eyez~ I am I 19 year old guy who hasn't lost his virginity yet! Do you recommend that I wait till I find someone special, or "lose it" to a close friend? I am experiencing sexual stress, masturbation alone does not help relieve my problem. What do you believe is the best situation to help me? I feel as though I am the last virgin, am I weird? I don't wanted to make the wrong decision but I need to figure out something!

Signed ~Adam (not Eve)

Dear Adam~I understand your frustration, but I personally feel that you have a very special gift and you should hold on to it as long as possible. As you may know, I was raised in the church and they believe you should not have sex until you are married. I am not saying you should hold on to it that long (especially being I don't know if you will be able to be married??) To be honest it is a rare coin that I can see both sides so clearly. I do not think there is anything wrong with experimenting with many of the fish in the sea before you settle down. But I do think that you should wait for someone VERY special. You will always remember your first time & it should be something beautiful, something to cherish and something worth remembering. Yes, the promiscuous nature of certain parts of the Gay lifestyle (clubs, bathhouses) can be quite INTOXICATING, however it is also full of heartache and pain, not to mention disease. There is also a large number of Gays involved in long term monogamous relationships! However I feel you are in a special situation and I urge you to be careful, protect yourself and wait for someone you love.... (and then be a whore - LOL) XOXO Misty Eyez!